How to start a BDSM relationship?
Feeling drawn to BDSM, but don’t know where to start? This page is made for you. After answering many readers, I will put here some of the most asked questions and provide my answers. If you have other questions come on the forum or contact me via this form. I will often refer to our game for submissive, not necessarily because I think it is the best solution but because of the advice I give I have incorporated it into our game.
How to train a submissive!
This page will evolve gradually, I lack the time to put it all of a sudden. It can be applied regardless of the gender of the dominant person and the submissive person. In order to avoid heaviness in the text, I will not systematically put all the versions of “the”; “The” “submissive” dominating, etc.
What are we talking about exactly?
BDSM are the initials for B ondage and D iscipline, D omination and S oumission, S adism and M asochism. It is a set of sexual practices involving bondage, punishments, sadism, and masochism, or domination and submission. It is a sex game where everyone decides to take a defined position.
There are many types of BDSM relationships, in fact, there are as many as couples (or groups…). It’s up to you to create what looks like you, don’t be interested in “what is done” or “what must be done”.
How to find a submissive / How to find a submissive?
In everyday life!
And yes, sometimes we just find a partner and slowly move towards a dominant/submissive relationship.
Hard Limits
These limits correspond to prohibited sexual acts. Everyone has theirs, and you need to discuss yours before any game. “Please don’t pee on me: golden showers are one of my limits.”
Impact play
It refers to any impact on the body such as spanking, caning, flogging, and slapping, among others.
Japanese Bondage
The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari. One partner tries the other with a cord using geometric figures. It is a method of restraint but also an art form.
Blade set
It is considered edgeplay (our parents always told us not to play with the knives, there is a reason). If you are playing knife-armed with someone, do it with someone who really respects you and who you trust. Usually, the idea of this game is not to get bleeding. It is a more psychological pleasure – you slide the knife along a partner’s body to trigger an adrenaline rush. Say we’re prudish, but we don’t recommend going on a first Tinder date.
Leather
The BDSM community loves leather as much as you might expect. Leather shorts, paddles, and corsets are popular, although some specialty retailers are now offering a vegan alternative to their pet-loving customers.
Masochist
A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving sexual pain.
Needle Play
Or the game of needles. Also a form of edgeplay, the needle game involves using needles on a partner. Hopefully, these needles are sterile and surgical. Please don’t do this with an idiot. It could be the simple act of pricking with a needle (temporarily) an erogenous zone like the nipple or – TURN NOW IF YOU ARE NAUSEOUS – the penis.
Orgasm Denial
Do you know how exciting sexual anticipation is? Orgasm denial is the next stage for those who enjoy throbbing clits or extremely hard erections – that is, almost everyone. The dominant will bring the submissive near or to the verge of orgasm, then stop. Repeat if necessary.
Queening
Queening is when a woman, aka the queen you must worship, sits on your face. It is simply a glamorous word for “facesitting”, often used in D / S games. Sometimes the queen sits on her submissive face for hours.
RACK
RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. These are the guidelines of the BDSM community and a way to ensure that stakeholders are aware of the dangers to which they are exposed, and consent. There is also the SSC, which emphasizes that activities must remain “safe, sane and consensual”. Fans of these kinds of practices want everyone to feel happy and fulfilled, and everyone to feel only the pain they want – without real harm.
Switch
A switch is someone who has both the dominant and submissive roles. Find a partner who can do both.
Topping from the bottom
This term refers to the moment when a submissive plays the spoiled child and tries to control the scene even though prior negotiations state that he must submit. A submissive man may, for example, yell at his dominant partner that he isn’t making him feel his feet exactly the way he wants them to. It can be quite boring. But it can also be part of the scene itself as if the submissive were playing the role of a child with their parent (called the “age game”).
